One Last Night
by icer01
Summary: As Maya becomes Master she and Phoenix part ways with a one night stand. Or what had it really meant? Were they 'Partners' now severed by injustice, distance, life derailment and unresolution. Or does their real partnership run deep enough to overcome it? Phoenix/Maya
1. Chapter 1

Written for PW Kink Meme, was encouraged to post this here! Oh, happy Phoenix/Maya Day!

**VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISABLE: **_May contain mature themes, angst, anti-P/I sentiments etc. etc.  
_

By popular demand: If that's too scary, here's the censored version:

phoenixwright. host-ed. me _SLASH_ olncensor. html

remove extra spaces from above address replace SLASH with / , since fanfiction dot net won't let you write web address links without cutting them

Here's the prompt so you know what to expect in the initial chapter, and the later chapters of this story take place over ~7 years. And I don't do the 'we never saw each other for 7 years' thing OR tragic ends, so *please* read the whole thing which is... **9** 'chapters'.

**PROMPT:** _Some time after 3-5, Kurain is about to hold a special ceremony in which Maya will officially become the Master. Phoenix comes up to see her, and spends time helping her out as she prepares for the big day. And though Maya is happy and excited about becoming the Master, Phoenix senses something is bothering her. The night before the ceremony, Maya calls Phoenix to her room, and tells him about her various fears for the future, including how she's afraid that once she's the Master, she and Phoenix will drift apart. Phoenix promises her that he'll always remain close to her.__Which is when Maya grabs him and kisses him. Hard. Maya confesses that she's had a massive attraction to Phoenix for some time, and asks that before she becomes the Master, she wants to lose her virginity to Phoenix. And Phoenix, seeing just how much Maya means to him, and perhaps knowing that he won't see her as often any more, happily agrees._

* * *

**ONE LAST NIGHT**

**PART I**

**MAYA:**

I've always tried to stay positive, but I can't help lamenting how things are always cut short. I can't remember my mother leaving, but who would have predicted Sis would suddenly die? After we'd been through so much together, who would have thought Nick and my plans over the legal office would fall through, that _that_ would happen to him?

And so another chapter of our lives is beginning. I always thought there'd be time, years even, to be together, to truly understand how I felt. But another injustice has taken him from me. I guess this is just my lot in life. Getting upset over it won't change anything.

- Even with these affirmations, part of me is screaming _No! This is different._

So something has compelled him to walk a path apart. He puts on a cheerful veneer, particularly around Trucy, but it only goes halfway to dulling what he really feels. I know. I've done that too.

I was probably the only one he allowed a glimpse of his true feelings then. Something broke in him that day. And I fear it won't heal without some kind of resolution to fix it. One I probably can't give.

It's unspoken, but we know it's futile to delay the inevitable. Is _this_ how we want the story to end?

On my part, I know it isn't. But how can I explain things like "All I want is to be with you." It's so childish! It goes against all my adult responsibilities, the role of Master they all worked so hard to secure for me. Oh, there's no actual reason or rules the Master _has_ to stay in Kurain – but really, what excuse do I have to stay with Nick?

And so, I sense I'm losing him. Are we really supposed to just neatly part ways like the last 3 years never happened?

I admit most of the time I didn't really understand my feelings myself, and I doubt they were mutual. I'm supposed to be the mature Master now, strong, unshakable. I should dismiss the whole thing as some stupid childish crush. If you truly love something, you know when to set it free, apparently.

What a joke! Maybe I _will_ move on, maybe I will force myself to find someone else.

But every instinct tells me there will _never_ be anyone else I love as much as I loved Nick.

###

There's a vague thought I've kept hidden in my imagination for some time. I seriously didn't think the scenario would happen for a few years at least – but I'd always counted on having years for it.

Nick's been helping with the Master preparation duties. Most of it is specialized esoteric and cultural knowledge in which he's not much practical help, but his emotional support by being there is priceless, and I think we both know it. The other Kurain residents and powerbrokers can't stand him since the disbarring thing, but they tolerate his presence as they assume he's saying his final goodbye. It's just a cover. Or at least, I hope it is.

The day before the Master Ceremony, it's practically unbearable. I've been dreaming of him. Again. I realise, slightly miserably, that serious attraction began after the disbarring. Seeing him so vulnerable made me see him more as an equal, rather than someone older. Realising I could lose him triggered a need for present infatuation. Of course, through the turmoil we've both been facing, I don't know how to tell him, and it would probably just add another problem to his pile.

I'm so distracted and I can't help pacing. Nick seems so worried. I feel so bad. Particularly since he'd probably be even more worried if he knew _what_ I was thinking.

I turn the idea over and over in my mind. It's not a bad thing, I tell myself. I'm not asking him to fall in love with me. I'm setting him free. And really, what else do I have left to give him, to show him how I feel?

He seems unsurprised that night, when I lead him into my bedroom, explaining that we need to talk. Serious words are often in short supply between us, but we sense something needs to be said.

He perches awkwardly on the edge of my bed.

I choke and the words suddenly run out.

"I..I'm sorry. I wanted to keep being your assistant so we could s-stay together, but since that isn't happening, I'm worried we'll drift apart, now I'm no longer relevant in your life."

Nick looks frightened.

"Whaaaat? No! Maya, just because we're apart more doesn't mean we can't be... No!"

"You're.. you're my…

He flounders.

"Part..."

We're not partners now. Not formally.

"Fr..."

Friends just doesn't describe it

"Person closest..."

Isn't that Trucy?

"Soulmate," he finishes, almost silently. I'm not sure I'm even supposed to have heard.

Something in me goes crazy, and I make up my mind.

Time is short. I wished I'd spent time planning this rather than agonising over it, but _here goes_.

I lean into him, pull his face into mine, and kiss him on the lips with as much force and passion as I can muster. I'd let instinct take over, hoping it would compensate for my lack of experience, and even I'm taken aback by what happens when I let myself go.

The expression on Nick's face would be priceless if I wasn't so nervous. He's fallen into stunned unresisting submission rather than pulling away or screaming, and though it's hard to read him, I don't think he _dis_liked it. From my end, the kiss felt so right that it banishes back the nerves.

I suddenly realise I have no idea how to ask this, but there isn't much time left, so I just drop the bombshell.

"I really like you, so I was wondering if you'd sleep with me?"

"S…Sleep with you?" Nick jerks in shock, and runs his hand through his hair, flustered. Then his face relaxes.

"_Ohhhhhhhh_. Like a sleepover."

"_No_! The other kind!" (Damn it, this is the one time I _don't_ want this falling flat and degenerating into some weird comedy duo!) "I've actually been attracted to you for a while now."

The stunned expression replaces itself on his face. He fingers his lips where I kissed him, as if subconsciously. I keep my eyes unrelentingly steely and serious. His face eventually changes.

I haven't seen the look he's giving me very often, and I'm not sure what to make of it. I think it's most like the way he looked at me after that Iris trial (but come to think of it, I never really figured out that one either.)

My heart pounds frenetically, a sick feeling churns through my head. Have I said something insalvageable?

"It's okay. You probably don't see me that way," I reassure, trying to be cheerful and probably failing.

"N..no.. no.. I mean.. if that's what you want.. I'll do it," stammers Nick. "N..now?"

"Y..yeah.." Now I'm coming over all shy. I can feel my face burning. "Got to be tonight!" I explain with gusto to try to regain my composure.

There's a question on Nick's lips, but he seems to think better of asking it. Instead, he asks others.

"Er, you haven't done this before, have you?"

"No."

His face creases with worry. "It will probably hurt and.."

"I know all that!" I cut him off. "I've thought long and hard about this."

A grin spills through to his face. He seems to reign it in a moment later though.

Nick gazes at me intently. "One moment," he mutters, and retreats to the nearby bathroom. I wonder vaguely what he's doing in there. Hopefully cleaning himself up. Hopefully _not_ sneaking looks at a copy of _Playboy_ to get himself in the mood or something.

I can only feel anticipation. Provided this doesn't make my friendship with Nick too awkward, I can sense I won't regret this.

My heart pounds faster as he eventually returns, unsure of what to do next, I eye him expectantly. Nick returns the eye contact awkwardly, and moves to remove his shirt. I smile approvingly. (Glad to see someone's got the right idea.) At the feedback of my enthusiasm, he strips down to his boxers, and sinks down on the bed next to me.

Seized with curiosity, I bite back an exclamation as I move to touch his upper body. The kind of physique he's been hiding under there is better than I'd anticipated.

I feel a reassuring little thrill surge through my edginess. I knew this was a good idea…

###

**_PHOENIX :_**

Even through my own problems, I've sensed a change in Maya since her mother's death. Same crazy Maya, but sometimes she's been… different. Sometimes there's a sense of seriousness in her eyes, that she's emerged through the pain, stronger from it, and she'll use it to handle the hefty burden of the Master position.

She was showing that side again just now, but somehow I never anticipated.. _this_.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings but.. well okay also it's… really weird.

I knew she trusted me, even from the start. I could never bring myself to exploit or betray that trust – it's a terrible thing to have your trust betrayed.

But it's different now. She's grown up, I realise. So have I, in a sense. And she's pretty clear about what she wants.

So suddenly, things are framed to an entirely different level. The same trust which subconsciously distanced me from feeling anything else for her is admittedly attractive- even alluring. It's a little confusing.

I guess it's pretty clear why I had this suppression. Physically I could overpower her, have my selfish way with her, lead her into whatever situation against her own safety with her doggedly trusting in me the whole time.

But emotionally, I know she has power over _me_, did even from the beginning. I can't bear to hurt her or see her hurt. I'll do anything she says, within reason. I'll eat out of her hand. I'll lie on the ground and roll over. It's embarrassing, really. Most of all, I can't bear to lose her – or do anything to make me lose her.

I really expect the whole thing to be an eyes wide shut situation. I'll distract myself with how much her relationship with me has meant to me to compensate for any physical shortcomings.

I don't really have high hopes. I care about Maya, so I don't want to hurt her feelings, but this is probably going to be about as exciting as accidentally seeing your mother naked, or a nude diagram in a textbook, or some ugly old lady who doesn't mind changing in public.

In all honesty, I haven't been able to muster much interest in women in general since the Dahlia thing. Mia? I barely batted an eyelid, even when Pearl channelled her. As for Maya? Couldn't pull seductive out of a paper bag. Or so I _thought_ -

###

**_MAYA:_**

"Maya.." His hands are at my back. What's he feeling, behind those eyes? It's hard to tell.

He traces the form of my body awhile, then cautiously moves to my chest. I instinctively flinch, unused to this sort of contact, but immediately relax; it's only Nick, gentle but inscrutable.

Perhaps for the first time, I panic over not inheriting some of Mia's attributes. Will this be a problem? I sadly suspect that Nick isn't very attracted to me regardless, but hopefully enough that he'll be able to enjoy himself…? Somehow he doesn't seem very excited so far.

Well, I soon decide, my training robes aren't very revealing, and since Nick is in his underwear, it's only fair I follow suit. "Should I take it off? Or do... you… want... to…"

For some reason the thought sends a chill down my spine and an erratic lurch in my throat.

His eyes move to study the workings of my outfit. I can tell what _that_ expression is. Intense confusion.

I undo the sash that secures the outfit. "There you go."

Slowly, slowly, he begins to peel it away, imminently to leave me only in my panties. The suspense is maddening. If he's doing this on purpose, then it's working.

There's a draft in the night air, and I can feel it – curious though the rest of me, which is burning up. I don't have to look to feel Nick's eyes boring into me – or more precisely, into my body.

Nick appears to sense my disconcert, and moves his lips to reassure me – but can only stammer vaguely. I'm not fully sure how to interpret this.

###

**_PHOENIX :_**

Some strange kind of circuit misfires in my brain, sparks connections with others, goes haywire. It's confusing to say the least. A vague repressed fantasy resurfaces. And other circuits, not involving my brain, flare up as well.

I was always just framing her in the wrong context.

My eyes are frozen, locked into her near-naked body. It's getting awkward, but I can't seem to shift them away – and only budge them with the reflexive reaction of reaching out to touch her (probably in all kinds of inappropriate locations). Thankfully, this is apparently what she wants, and it knocks me out of my stupor.

Maya has buried herself against my chest and is stroking it appreciatively. She genuinely seems to like my upper body, which is sort of a relief. _Her_ upper body is repeatedly pressing into mine, creating an unbalancing type of sensation.

Before I met Maya, I didn't think it was possible to care about anybody this much. Nobody real, anyway. I seem to forget, but I'm reminded sometimes. This is one of those times. My touches are gentle, my restraint instinctive. But this I _didn't_ predict. Restraint is actually required.

It vaguely confuses me that I never noticed Maya's body before. She is – beautiful. Small and delicate, like the illusional doll of my long ago dreams and nightmares. But it takes only a moment or a glance at her face and that spark in her eye to smash through the illusion she is some characterless, submissive doll. Her jerky, enthusiastic movements are admittedly graceless, but she oozes life and personality, I can feel her heart pulsing against mine, the genuinity as she melted her body against me, the eager intensity of her reciprocations. Her expressive features as she gazes eagerly up at me spill a thousand words.

I can feel my eyes narrow and an insuppressibly stupid grin spread across my face.

###

**_MAYA:_**

I can't help noticing Nick has become more animated.

His eyes have an odd kind of fascination I haven't seen before directed at me.

He's touching me all over my body now. All the sensations are more intense than I would've predicted. Probably because it's someone else touching me, outside my control.

Even moreso because Nick is the one touching me.

At first it was a little weird, but I'm really beginning to like it.

He's back to focusing pretty intently on my chest area again. I dart a glance up at Nick's face. His eyes are fixated with an indulgent – no, maybe indulging - expression.

I don't think he cares I'm not like Mia.

His face is slightly flushed, his heartbeat wild and erratic when I again make full-frontal contact. This can only be a good sign.

Recalling how amazing the kiss was this evening, I feel it's past time to try again. "Nick!" I catch his attention. He inclines his head down toward me, where I can reach it. I take his face in my hands and pull it to me.

Before when I kissed him, he soon ceased resistance, but replaced it with stunned submission. Now his reciprocation is intense and eager, almost unpredictably overpowering.

I wrap myself tighter around Nick. Partly out of a desire for greater connection, partly to secure my balance.

The sensation was bizarre and disconcerting, but I can only want more.

I drag his head down, reach my face up so his lips again impact mine.

We're a little too enthusiastic though, and things don't quite work out, so I collapse backwards with Nick losing balance and sprawling on top of me. Clearly this wasn't the right situation to choose a Kissing War.

Curiously enough, toppling over didn't cause much slippage of our lip position, and after a moment our tongues are probing each others' mouths semi-instinctively as if nothing had happened. Nick's sort of suffocating on top of me, but I don't really mind. He may be a big idiot sometimes, but I can count on trusting him not to crush me to death – at least if I call it to his attention.

As we finally break for air, he starts shifting his weight and position around on me, and I wonder what he _will_ do next, however. "Nick…?"

"W..what?" I feel his weight shift off me. "Am I hurting you?"

"No, I.." Immediately my words collapse. I'm not sure how to phrase this. I breach the sideways distance between us and wrap myself against him. Actually, pause in our previous activities is proving to be a real letdown. I never knew what it was like to have such an intense and slightly unplaced desire, far worse than hunger. And sort of like when I was trapped in the kidnapper's cellar, Nick was all I was thinking of.

Back then I was too petrified to think straight, but the one thing I could think of was Nick. It's kind of like that, except the feelings I'm thinking through now are different. Very different.

"No, don't stop… I want more," I explain, ruing the fact this is a rather cheesy line from _Pink Princess Movie IV_ but reassured in the knowledge forgetful Nick probably won't get the reference.

In a bizarre turn, Nick appears to find this incredibly seductive (even though he rolled his eyes and groaned during our viewing of that line in the movie.)

He's returned to his usual daft puppy-dog expressiveness as he caresses me. I watch intrigued as his eyes pool with alternately shifting measures of bashfulness and lust (or at least, I _hope_ it's lust.) We've kept our gaze connected, his inviting awkward dissent. As it becomes clearer I'm giving none, the lust component is beginning to gain an increasing lead and intensity, and seems to motivate his fingers downward. It's actually quite amusing – or would be if it wasn't also somehow driving me crazy.

It's not really like anything in any of those Samurai romance movies – but of course, I wasn't dumb enough to expect it would be.

He hesitates, catches my eye awkwardly, fingers shoved slightly unromantically halfway though the elastic. Poor guy.

"Yeah, go on," I prompt encouragingly.

There's more reasons why this is different than the scenes in those movies. They also don't capture a lot of these other weird sensory details either.

Staring at Nick's absorbed eyes, combined with his jitter-inducing touches, is now getting pretty intense (and having a pretty good idea of what he's going to do next gives me a sudden horrible awareness of my own raging heartrate – for starters.) I'm not sure I can deal with it all at once, and I close my eyes to block some of the overload out.

It's bad enough to just feel his presence – which I get a sudden uncanny awareness of – the weight of his body in the places where I've wrapped my arms around him, the heat of his skin, the way his muscles shift under it when he moves, how I can hear him breathing (really, who would have thought something as boring as him breathing is so interesting right now? For some reason, even though it sounds like a dog or something, I find it endearing.)

And don't even get me started about the sensations inside my _own_ body.

The fact this is a partial unknown I'm anticipating right now makes it all worse.

What's he waiting for? I'm going crazy here.

Part of me feels an urge to beg or demand he get on with it (is he doing this on purpose?) but suddenly, I'm hit with another creeping feeling that… maybe this was all just an unintentionally selfish demand and Nick never wanted to see me in this way at all.

More timidly, I open my eyes, still unsure of which one of the two situations I'll encounter.

He startles. It seems all this time, he's been staring straight into my… face.

It's as if Nick and I are caught in each others' headlights.

We share a moment of awkward. It's _very_ awkward. But it's a different kind of awkward. And I get the sense it's not at all related to just the acts of what we're doing.

"Nick." I manage to get out, apparently the only word currently left in my vocabulary. The tone that comes out is neither apologetic or demanding, but apparently it still communicates something to him.

His eyes change.

Oh god, I must be hallucinating. Nick's got that fully passionate look in his eyes like that awesome scene in…

No, Nick's right. Sacrilegiously, I'm thinking maybe those movie scenes _are_ a load of cheesy garbage compared to this reality. (Maybe arousal is making me light-headed?) Because those movies just don't include the feelings, and the fact that this is _Nick _who's undergone this bizarre role transformation and…

"Tell me where," he directs, voice uncharacteristically compelling.

I think my eventual reaction's enough to tell him, which is a good thing, since I can barely assemble the words to explain coherently. None of my own efforts felt anything like that, and I didn't really expect this. "Niiick" I hear myself moan in a voice I can barely recognize as my own.

"You like that?" He seems delighted with himself. He doesn't even seem to care that I kicked him. "You… _did_ like it didn't you?"

"Y..yeah," I manage, directing my scattered attention back at his face. So much for my hypnotic Nick-el Samurai. Nick's so overexcited at this. He doesn't let himself go often enough, and that goofy grin is really quite cute.

"More?"

"More."

I bury my head against him and close my eyes.

After waiting a few moments, I feel Nick take my hand in his free one, and something about the way he does it feels every bit as intimate as the other.

###  
After some unmeasurable length of time, Nick's stopped for good. My head fills with the crazily erratic pounding of his heart. I open my eyes and look to his face, noticing with huge interest he's pretty discomposed. His breathing is fast and shallow and I realise mine is too.

And the sensations of Nick's previous attentions were great while they lasted, but now they're gone they're a source of nothing but annoyance, like a bad appetizer of no lingering filling. In fact the lingering sensations are pretty horrible. It takes all my resolve not to start touching myself to suppress them, which seems stupid under the circumstances.

But I really feel like I want to jump out of my skin. (I'd better make sure I don't by accident.) And looking at Nick again - well, maybe turning my attention back to him was a mistake. I feel like I want to pounce on him like a plate of food and…

Slightly jarred (and lacking the previous experience to know how the heck I'm even supposed to make that impulse _end_, exactly,) I content myself with smoothing out a few stands of Nick's hair – now matted and drooped out crazily at odd angles –while we catch our breath.

"Well, er," he begins. Had he but known it, that stupid grin is also 'seductive'.

Nick hasn't really said it _exactly_, but I figure I'll move things along by undoing his boxers, which he hasn't taken off yet for whatever reasons. (Perhaps he's shy?)

This is a matter of interest, to say the least. I was relieved to have decisive evidence he was attracted to me, and my curious hands reached out to touch it, eliciting the oddest expression I'd ever seen cross Nick's face.

Even these new fascinations are overridden by my more pressing need at the moment. Am I supposed to act seductive? I realise I have no idea how to act seductive, (no one wants to hear you want them like a burger) so I settle for "Come on, Nick, I can't wait any longer. Please?"

I push out at him to emphasise my point, he then lurches forward to meet me with an eagerness that makes me suspect it wouldn't matter what had spewed out of my mouth, so long as it was affirmative assent. We collide ungracefully, and fumble slightly upon impact. His weight again wins out, and as if to compensate for the knowledge he's again clumsily flattened my body, he breathes in my ear "Certainly, my dear Maya," in a feigned cultured accent. I choke a laugh and he grins back, the shared joke banishing away any renewed awkwardness.

"Um…" His eyes flit wildly.

I can't help wondering if my dear Casanova is almost as inexperienced in these matters as I am. I can feel his weight back against me for a few seconds and then he seems to think better of it, sinking back to sit on the bed.

He gestures me to get on him, and it doesn't take much direction to figure out what I'm trying to achieve here.

I'd resolved not to react to any sensation of pain – who wants to ruin the mood? – but I can't suppress a gasp and involuntary hiss. Nick's grip tightens on me. Expression of concern for my wellbeing muddies together with his own need. I always sensed it really. Nick secretly can't stand to see me hurt.

"Are you okay? Do we need to try something else?" he's asking, all panicked.

"I'm fine," I reassure.

…

…Well, this is weird.

I look to Nick for guidance. I suspect I'm the one who's supposed to be moving around here, but it's harder than I expected, and any kind of movement produces all kinds of strange sensations, not all of them good.

Nick confirms my suspicions. Inherent in his eyes is a silent plea.

I could get used to this.

In all honesty, the entire experience hurts as much as anything, but this is more than compensated by watching Nick's reactions. _He_ certainly seems to be enjoying himself, his constantly shifting expressions are entertaining, and the way he keeps gazing almost enraptured at me as the source of his apparent ecstasy is quite emotionally thrilling. I'm very touched, particularly as he screams my name very loudly as he climaxes. Probably all the Nick-hating neighbours will hear it, which I'm pretty happy over. I'm glad I left the windows open.

But once that's over, I realise I've tired myself out, and I can only sink myself against Nick's chest. He enfolds his arms tightly around me and is all "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I reassure, wrapping my arms around him again, leaning my head against him and closing my eyes. After a few moments, he's begun to massage my back rather affectionately. All the attention is really very nice.

###

It's 4am, and I resurface groggily. I lift my head from my pillow – Nick's chest. I hate to leave him, but I have to go.

He stirs under me. The bed wasn't really big enough for two.

"Nick…" I suddenly realise I'm still naked, so I guess neither of us was dreaming.

"I have to leave," I explain.

He can't come with me. The Master Initiation Ceremony is only attendable by the highest qualified Kurain authorities, and although I would have invited him anyway, Nick's been in poor taste with the Kurain residents since the disbarring injustice.

"Maya…" he replies. Neither of us can really think what to say. But perhaps our actions have said enough.

In a final impulse, I hug him tight, and he hugs me tightly to him in return.

Whatever happens, I know I won't regret this.


	2. Chapter 2

PART II

**ANOTHER NIGHT**

* * *

_**PHOENIX**_**_:_**

I don't know what to think over this.

Well, it felt great and all, but there was another reason the experience was so overpowering. It was something to do with it being _her_.

– On instinct I cringe internally at such a cheesy line. _I don't believe in all that overblown romantic sap._ The way I once acted about Dollie (Iris? No, it was always still Dollie to me) kind of makes me sick.

Not that I ever got that far with Dollie. (Come to think of it, I remember she tried to get me to take off that sinister locket, and I refused, and it killed the mood.) In hindsight, knowing it was _Iris_, I'm glad we didn't. Knowing she was acting, it would have felt eerily similar to mutual rape, even if it was fully consensual. It makes me feel a little queasy.

Maya did seem borderline naive in terms of exact physical mechanics, but in terms of emotional readiness, she seemed to be several steps ahead of me. I don't at all get the sense I've taken advantage of her, even if it was something she saw on those awful Samurai movies or something.

Instead, I'm the one confused. All the directions and priorities of my life have been realigned and uprooted too frequently over last few months, the consequential dizziness leaving little faith in my judgment. Was this some kind of overblown goodbye? How does she even think? It's a mystery sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time.

The way she kept pulling me closer to her (almost as if desperate for some other connection) it couldn't all just be lust or duty, could it?

And how's it related to the Master thing?

I try to tell myself but find it hard to accept that she was just somebody desiring a new experience or going through the motions.

Because by the end of it, I certainly wasn't.

Maya's not going to be back for at least 2 days. I don't know what happens in the Master initiations, it's all secret, and I know I'm supposed to leave in the meantime, else the remaining Kurain residents will get out their pitchforks.

It would be polite to clean things up in the meantime (we've made a huge mess of the bed, I realise, even though it seemed so inconsequential at the time). And then… I guess.. I'll just have to leave.

I try to manufacture annoyance that Maya's again escaped leaving me to pick up the consequences of our fun alone, but I can't.

I can't stop thinking about her, and the thought and feeling is not one I can put into words.

###

I'm so confused. I miss Maya, even though I saw her only this morning.

I keep myself sane by feigning 'cheerfulness' with Trucy, who chats animatedly beside me on the train. This distracts me. Mostly. But a part of my head is back with Maya. Or rather, back in Maya's empty bedroom when I woke for the second time, alone.

* * *

_(Pretend this is Phoenix's intermittent journal or something. This entry is ~month later.)_

_###  
_

It's becoming increasingly clear Kristoph Gavin is a sick and dangerous man.

The worst thing is, he's so charming. I may never have seen through his outer persona of lies, were it not for the Magatama. I'm not dumb enough to blow my cover by trying to break the locks, but I see them every turn.

At first, I only suspected he was somehow involved with or knew about the real forgery, and now he's lured me into his trap of 'friendship' and 'association'. If he realises I know or suspect the truth about him, no doubt the consequences will be unsavoury. I can't force myself to turn away either. It's the only lead I have on that whole, er, 'incident'. I'm like a moth circling a flame, hypnotically caught in its orbit, but with enough remaining sense not to impale myself in it.

Okay, there's still the hope I can clear my name. But I need the truth. I NEED the truth, for my sanity. That's helped me before, so I'm hoping it will again. Because that and the responsibility to care for Trucy are the only goals in my life which give me direction and force me out of bed each day right now.

I can't visit Kurain. Well, I _could_, Maya insists, but she probably just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. It would make things terribly difficult for her right now.

Morgan sure messed things up good for her, in Misty's absence 'reforming' as much power away from the actual Master as possible, and inflaming a pathological fear and resentment of law and legal circles, since they 'destroyed' Misty and Mia. Kurain politics are very dirty, and they seem to kill each other when things don't work out, by disturbing historic precedent.

I kind of want to go and kick a few heads in, but all the Kurain heavyweights think I'm demon incarnate, the fraudulent criminal ex-lawyer who corrupted their new Master. (Misty, of course, was lured to 'betray' them all by some lawyer – the parallel is jarring.) A lot of them were on the Pearl-as-Master agenda, I expect. Anything I do will make things worse – it's only a few months ago the world stopped seeing the Kurain Technique itself as a fraud.

There was a pretty bad fiasco after my disbarring thing where some tabloid was speculating if there was a 'forged channelling' during the _State vs Iris_ trial – but thankfully, it was the type of page whose other news stories are alien abductions and crop circles. If THAT article spread too wide, the Master would again be the laughing stock and business would sink- who wants a forged channelling?

One of the Kurain cronies – without Maya's consent – went into damage control and informed the publication that Maya and I had severed all ties over the disbarring. Maya was furious, but I told her to go with that story, at least for the moment.

Now I'm starting to see why Mia left Maya with me. The Kurain Master could really use a (practicing) lawyer. Nice one, Wright, ruining things for her. As it is, I'm just detrimental to any chance of her gaining respect.

#####

The compulsion over that 'incident' leads me to again accept Kristoph Gavin's offer of hospitality.

From our earlier meetings, I'd soon got the impression he was a potentially dangerous individual, and my instinct was to protect Maya from the consequences - the whole disbarring mess was nothing to do with her. And he, apparently, assumed we _were_ lovers. I spent quite a lot of time and effort constructing the impression in his mind that we weren't.

My emotional response over his claim was awkward – not one I could properly cover – I decided the best tactic in terms of believability was to pretend Maya believed I had forged the evidence, was furious with me, and things were now frigid, anything between us over. And since this is close enough to the truth in my mind for my acting to be convincing, Kristoph genuinely seemed to have bought it – I can even feign anger at 'her'. Really, it's all directed solely at myself. I'm sorry I ruined the legal practice and what we had together.

But apparently, my absence and whereabouts still hadn't escaped Gavin's attention.

"So, you've been in Kurain, visiting your lover?"

"N-No, she's not my lover. We were finalising business matters over the closure of the legal practice."

But it's like being punched in the gut. Because that's what we _are_. Or were.

Suddenly, I'm offered explicit mental labels to categorise all those crazy feelings I felt over that night.

She was my PARTNER. I felt compulsive levels of attraction to her. She _was_ my lover. But so, so much more…

And I know Kristoph doesn't believe me, and all my previous efforts spinning a semi-legitimate story in his mind are now in vain. Can people somehow just.. _tell_?

A far more basal instinct surges forth – to protect Maya, from this danger of entirely my own making in which she should have no involvement. What am I going to do?

I can't conceal my highly emotional response, so I go for giving it an alternate label – angry jilted lover. I mean, it's not like Maya and I can just cover up our past history. "Maya believes I forged the evidence and is furious over the stain I've attached to the Kurain reputation. She wants nothing more to do with me in future."

"Ah, so you tried to repatriate relations, but she rejected you?"

This guy is scary. But he does seem to buy this particular angle, and it's the best I can think of at the moment. I consider looking forlorn, and then decide anger would be better, since that would imply I won't want to re-form the relationship any more. And the anger I generate is real – and it's actually over myself bad-mouthing Maya.

"Yes!" I seethe. "I've seriously had it with her! I don't know what I ever saw in her. She's…" (I'm having trouble here) "..insane! But now the law firm is over I don't have to see her, thank goodness."

I've upset myself enough over this to be convincing. Kristoph genuinely seems to believe me, taking the upset to mean it's not an act, rather than the reality that my upset is caused by the lying content of my act.

###

I'm just back from my nerve-shattering visit with Gavin when Trucy pipes up with an ill-timed question.

"Daddy, was Maya your girlfriend?"

"N…No!" I defend emphatically. I thought I'd just finally succeeded in convincing Kristoph Maya and I would never again be an item, taking her off his radar of consideration. With a second over-enthusiastic kid running around spouting contradictory information, surely something will get back to Kristoph and damage my defensive façade.

"No, Maya's more like a cousin."

She eyes me critically. Damn, I thought kids were supposed to be easy to delude!

"Maya is like a cousin. That's how things have to be now."

To my relief, I think she gets it. Or at least, mentally adds it as another fake trick in the now semi-permanent Phoenix Wright Magic Show. She's already jabbering on to the next topic.

It takes far greater effort for me to move on behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

#####

_(2020)_

I'm in Kurain again, much to the consternation of several Kurain heavyweights I've had the misfortune to run into. The other Kurain residents make no attempt to hide their disdain. Maya's long been apologetic, but at my request, she's long given up trying to obscure or compensate for their attitudes.

"Hah!" she explains with a signature crazy grin where her eyes spark attractively, "let's break their brains by pretending to be passionate lovers!'

Pretend? "Uh, Maya.." I stammer awkwardly as she links arms in a somewhat intimate fashion and leans her head against me, "I'm not sure.."

Her face falls. "You don't want to?"

"I do." I have to admit. "J…just don't overdo it." Don't kiss me Maya, I plead internally. Because the way I respond back… I won't be pretending.

I can imagine totally losing it in the midst of Kurain's main street. Maya would probably love it, but…

* * *

#####

Kristoph is a sick man. Surely he's intelligent enough to sense my associations with him are not motivated merely by 'friendship'.

I have only one weapon against his words – the Magatama. I spend much of my life with my hand firmly clamped on it in my pocket.

The locks are only a guide – I can't force confession out of him with it, what will I do with it? It's all probably just hearsay, not evidence. And if he's the way I suspect, he'll just kill me – or have me killed – straight after. And he's the type of pathological liar that the most information about him can be gleaned from the rare statements where the locks are NOT present.

So I know he's NOT lying when he make thinly veiled threats to harm me in myriad circumstances. I've invested a lot of time and effort in maintaining a façade of distance between myself and Maya in his mind.

So, if Maya becomes a regular fixture in my life in the city, what am I supposed to tell Kristoph? If he perceived me too much of a threat, Maya would be a far more valuable informant or blackmail object than Trucy. When I think of all the things Maya's already done for me – the way she jumped into electrocution to get evidence, demanded to get held in contempt of court, willing to die before blackmailing me- Kristoph will probably have to have her tortured or killed before she'll… I can't, can't risk putting her in that position. And that's selfish too. If Kristoph hurt her, I would never forgive myself. Ever.

* * *

#####

I was determined not to become an alcoholic and ruin Trucy's life again, but I almost immediately just became addicted to my substitute. I don't even _like_ grape juice. But I soon developed a psychological and physiological NEED for the stuff. It's like a numbing ritual.

The act of consuming its sick sweetness distracts me, immerses me in the present moment. As soon as it leaves, I just need more.

As the downed bottles pile up, the nausea begins to fire up, my mouth dries, the overdose begins to give me a bloated feeling… and it banishes away all uneasy thoughts in my sole concentration on those feelings. It also puts me on a massive sugar high.

Apart from the cost involved, it doesn't seriously impact Trucy – the empty cheerfulness I can exude whilst tripping out on its aftereffects probably makes me a more fun playmate. I hope.

It doesn't seem to fool Maya – if she drops by unannounced while I'm in that state she just sort of sighs and puts her arms around me. We haven't gone beyond this 'cousinly' affection since then – I fantasise about kissing her, but I'm too scared to try – and I can't do that to her either.

I'm scared I'll break down and beg.

"Stay with me Maya! When you're here, I feel like I can cope – it always was like that.

I can remember who I am, without thinking the world will destroy me and I'll just become the criminal they think I am and I pretend to be.

When I'm with you, I can still believe in something!"

And I can't do that to her. I've ditched a lot of my ethics recently, but repulsion for manipulating people with poetic love confessions is still one of them. But it's all true.

What else _do_ I believe in? Not rules, not the justice system, not the good in humanity, I trust nobody except her, Trucy and the Magatama. Most of all, I no longer trust myself. And I know SHE does – which makes it all worse.

Expecting her to throw away her life as Master for some borderline criminal addict, ruin her reputation.. none of this was her fault! And there's no place for me in Kurain. My presence would only hinder her already difficult task of wielding power and respect there. It would be all about me and totally selfish.

I can't control my own obsessive stupidity, so all I can do is protect her from it, instead of pulling her under with me, because I know we'd both go.

* * *

#####

Nowadays 'cleaning the toilet' takes far longer and occurs only when Trucy's not home.

I sure don't want Maya ever finding out, but she'd probably think it hilarious – and that I'm a loser. It's really just a maintenance task to keep my raging hormones in check, and I feel like such a dirty old man to think of her to do it. Especially since it bears so little relation of what she _really_ means to me. Although I can't delude myself I wouldn't like to do it again, I'd do practically anything to just be back together like we were in the (I choke the word) lawyer days, even as 'just friends'. The unspoken emotional closeness, the trust and belief that tied us together…

None of my imagination ever remotely resembles what it was like the time she was really there – and it's probably a good thing too.

This emotional need I have for her, it's crazy. It bears no resemblance to the puppy-eyed 'true love' I thought I felt for Dollie. So maybe it isn't 'love' or 'romance' at all? There's so much more wrapped up in this than just lust.

And if we _did_ do it again – I don't think I'd be able to let her go. Having that additional level of basal compulsion tying me to her to the obscene emotional enmeshment I already feel with her… the only way I can cope now is by reasoning that our previous experience was never intended by her to be more than a one-night stand.

* * *

#####

What am I fighting for now? I don't know any more. I tell myself it's to keep Trucy alive, but it isn't. Not really.

Trucy has never known anything but my current act. She probably assumes I've always been this way, cheating and forging my way through life, living a lie instead of trying to break through them.

I have this obsessive belief that once I know the truth, I'll find closure. I'll risk mine and Trucy's life and morals every day to get it. But I can't risk _hers_. I can't.

All those crazy ideals I used to believe in - justice, the good in humanity, the justice system itself could still work for good – they seem almost nonsensical now.

I have to forget them, since I go against them daily to survive. But there's another thing that I believed in back then, and it's the only one that still makes sense. I believed in _her_.

She's the only evidence there was still somebody once, who didn't really forge the evidence, who was fighting for something larger than just a selfish obsession over a personal injustice, alternately drugging and numbing himself to exist.

If I lose her, that Phoenix Wright truly will be gone.

* * *

#####

I have to know. Did she have some other motive for her request? Was it somehow related to her becoming Master, and not necessarily just about me at all? This doubt has haunted me all these years, but suddenly I'm no longer too shy to ask.

"Maya, I remember that night," I begin awkwardly. "Why did you ask me, uh, _then_?"

Maya's eyes widen. 'Nick!" She surveys my clueless face. "You dumbass! You really haven't figured it out yet? Because I loved you!"

I'm stabbed in the heart with the dual dagger of both her confession and its all too conspicuous past tense.


	4. Chapter 4

I hate the Borscht Bowl. It's freezing cold and – have you ever tried borscht?

Without my unbroken poker win streak, I am nothing – and in this empty, meaningless game, it's actually true. Oh, Edgeworth… please understand nobody's lives are at stake except mine and Trucy's… I hope. That's why I hope it doesn't matter that I don't even care anymore how much I use Trucy to cheat. I even feel like I've won, like it's a legitimate part of the game. Trucy probably just thinks it's a magic trick.

All just another part of the fake.

I'll use Trucy as collateral, exploit her on my behalf when I'm supposedly her legal guardian…

But I could never exploit _her_. Never.

I willingly risk Trucy and my life and safety by continuing to meet with Kristoph, but I could never let Maya risk herself that way now?

I'm a sick, sick man.

They knew who I was here. They hired me on my reputation. My criminal reputation. There's all kinds of illegal betting rings and who knows what else here. I try to turn a blind eye. "Daddy played here all the time," offered Trucy when she decided it was a good place for me to find a job. It makes sense that maybe he'll turn up here one day.

Trucy keeps me sane. Only around her can I be something resembling myself. But even then, I can only ever reveal a subset of my true feelings. I can't upset her. I can't reveal my problems. I can't show her my pain. I have to attempt to obscure at least _some_ of my faults. We have a close connection, and it's far more of a mutual support partnership than I'm sure most real fathers have with their daughters. But we just _can't_ be unspoken and accepting equals in the way that… that…

I know it's dysfunctional, the way Trucy is allowed to also look after me, and I know if I was a responsible parent, I'd try harder to stop it. But I can't. And I'm fully aware of what – who – I'm compensating for here.

* * *

#####

We've been watching some movie one night in Maya's room, and as the credits finish their final roll, I can't help feeling a little upset. Not that the movie itself was good (it most certainly wasn't!) but we've gotten a little too comfortable nestled together on her bed.

"Stay with me," she begs. "As a 'sleepover'," she clarifies, her slightly teasing eyes throwing an impression she recalls every detail of that night as intricately as I do. "I just want to cuddle."

I relax. Since Maya's so clear she wants nothing else, rather than miring this in ambiguity, it will be easy to suppress any desires or miscommunications in doing anything else – the dual terrors of 'losing Maya' and 'hurting Maya' can override even my most basal of instincts. She wraps her arms around me affectionately, and soon we've melted against each others' bodies as relaxed as if we've done this every night of our lives.

It's like we never left the law office days - but not.

The physical proximity seems to compensate - but in a different way - to the time and distance we've since had in our lives.

But the conversation and connection flow as naturally, even when eventually turning to weightier topics (and physical contact) than were our common chatter back then.

Maya details some long and involved problem involving those dirty Kurain politics and all kinds of weird spirit-channelling related business. (It's sadly clear to me what she _really_ needs is some practicing lawyer or some kind of high profile respected supporter to stand in unity with her in the Kurain boardroom.)

Damn it, why can't I help her, instead of being a dead weight back in the city? (Oh, because I'd be even more of a liability here.) All my suggestions are hopeless and go no way to fixing her problem, but Maya's eyes light up. "Thanks, Nick!" she beams, and squeezes me enthusiastically. I feel guilty. "What? But everything I said is hopeless! None of it will work and.."

"I know," Maya cuts me off. "It _is_ sort of stupid. But the way you freaked out – I know you care!"

It hurts a little to remember the days when we really could solve the problems and injustices which threatened to part us. Now the problems which force us apart are too huge for either of us to solve. Now we're of no practical use to each other. But as the night wears on, and we draw gradually closer, one thing is beginning to become poignant. We could still need each other to cope.

We eventually sleep tangled and intertwined in the way only the most incestuous of 'cousins' ever will.


	5. Chapter 5

******  
Trucy knows more of the real me, but she's a part of the act too.

And where does the act end and reality begin, when your life is an act? To a kid, it must be even less clearly defined. To me – well, I sometimes call it into question. Then hit the grape juice.

Trucy knows I didn't forge the evidence – but it's because Kristoph personally gave it to her and she knew the situation. Based on my present life, she'd probably believe Daddy didn't forge the evidence either – but Phoenix Wright, fake performer, did as part of his magic act. It's a separate compartmentalisation. She still seems to hold out a belief that her Real [I choke the word] Daddy didn't abandon her, only Zak the Performer did, as part of a magic act, and one day he really will come back for her when the show's over. I haven't really figured out how to break otherwise to her, yet, not in a way she'll believe.

* * *

It takes next to no discussion to meet the implicit understanding that Maya and I will repeat the experience next time I'm in Kurain- and every other night I stay from then on.

It becomes our familiar and unspoken ritual. Maya locks off a whole wing of rooms, and of course, my stuff and clothes are in a different room, so nobody ever knows we're sleeping in the same bed. We usually break the ice - and cover - with some TV or a movie (Maya's choice, I couldn't really care less,) it doesn't take very long for us to gravitate into each others' arms, and that's where we stay for the rest of the night.

...Well, okay, there isn't just hugging. There's all that stroking and massage... though it never goes anywhere too questionable. It's not awkward, and we don't even need to discuss it. I think we both know 'cousin' is just a code word for...something we can't clearly define at the moment. I know no real 'cousin' would spend all that time stroking my hair, or caressing my chest. And we're both always very eager to get _very_ close to each other.

We relax into our affectionate activities while we talk - sometimes we stick to light topics, sometimes we air the problems and injustices we can no longer relate to anyone else in our lives - and ultimately fall asleep in each others' arms.

I live with the conscious fear I've been subsumed by my act, that I'm really the criminal who forges evidence and calls mass murderers friends, that the person I once was with the ideals and values I once held is completely gone. But when I'm in Maya's arms, and she still sees through the lie that is my life, I get the sense, maybe I won't lose myself entirely.


	6. Chapter 6

#####

It's always so different when I'm with Maya in Kurain. I have no urge to touch that awful grape juice. I can take off the hat – if I don't, Maya will force me. I even feel the urge to shower and shave daily, instead of seeing little reason for it not to slip to every second or 3rd day.

Despite all the injustice of adversity, Maya's doing a fantastic job of Kurain, no thanks to me. She claims I help her immensely, and though it's hard to believe, I know she's not lying.

And on my part, Maya needs no active involvement in the daily trials and drudgery of my life for her renewed presence to still help me tolerate the chaos and stagnation of my slightly hollow existence.

It's enough to stroke her hair, feel her heartbeat against mine, remember she's real.

* * *

#####

As the years have worn on, I've become steadily and depressingly more decrepit.

I look like a dirty hobo, and that's how I feel too.

Instead of the imagined future with Maya as legal and otherwise partners, I'm whoring myself out to Kristoph for mindrape and character disintegration.

Surely Maya no longer finds me very attractive – but then again, I was shocked she did in the first place.

And my responsibility to Maya is to protect her. Not ruin her life over my own stupid agenda. No selfish needs or desires of mine are ever worth the risk of her getting hurt. I should feel the same way about Trucy, but I know I exploit her as much as protect her, with her full willingness and compliance. I'm a terrible parent.

She makes money for me whilst I waste and endanger both our lives because I can't find closure on that hideous day. It's not _really_ about waiting for the return of Zak for Trucy's sake – that bastard doesn't deserve to get his hands on and exploit someone like Trucy, and her personal safety would be enhanced by never having to deal with him again. And every meeting with Kristoph is just dicing with _both_ our lives. She's the one who Kristoph told to give me the 'evidence', of course.

So everyday, I risk Trucy's safety and wellbeing, but I won't risk Maya. And I live for my obsession, and more superficially, for my poker and grape juice addictions. I think I'm sick, and a terrible parent. Worst of all, neither Trucy nor Maya really seem to care.

* * *

#####

Well, yeah, it was _supposed_ to stay as (the most ambiguous ever of) 'cousins'. And everything went on like it was supposed to for some time. Until I kissed her.

Maya is shocked for all of two seconds.

Then she demands I do it again.

Of course I do.

Then she kisses me again, and already we're wildly overshooting even the most dubious of already ambiguous affection boundaries.

Then we're wrapping tighter around each others' bodies, and we kiss again, and I soon need no words from Maya to feel that her compulsion mirrors my own – one I fear is threatening to open the floodgate of cascaded affection and worse – subsumed by the desire to somehow, just for a moment, close that gap of distance our lives force us into, and the related subconscious instincts are rising up and ready and willing to take over…

But I can't do this.

I push her off me, and it takes quite a lot of force for me to do so. I'm sickened by how cruel it will seem to reject her. How will I explain?

Instead of the usual instinctive poker mask thrown up to emotion-charged dilemmas, I feel tears. Nobody else still makes me cry.

"Nick!" Her eyes brim huge with concern. "W-what is it?"

I can't play with her heart this way. The truth hurts, but if there's one thing I've learned in my ill-fated love life, covering things up is even worse.

I had previously explained about Kristoph, of course, but I'd glossed over some specifics – not wanting to risk anything which would make Maya come rushing out to help me and put herself in danger.

"Maya," I beg, "please let me try to explain."

I just spill it to her. I'm scared Kristoph will kill her, particularly if he again thinks we're lovers, I'm too emotionally invested in my stupid obsessions over him, that injustice of the disbarring and my poker to give her the kind of attention she deserves and.. somehow I choke on the fact I'll NEVER be able to leave her if we get too tied up physically. "I can't leave the city, and I know you have to dedicate yourself to being the Master and Kurain." Yeah, I don't want her to feel she should ever give that up for me, either. "We'll just have to keep pretending to be cousins, or something, for now."

"Cousins kiss," defends Maya brightly.

_Not like that they don't._

"Maybe one day things will change, but.."

I feel so bad.

"It's okay, Nick. I get it," reassures Maya.

"I'm so sorry.."

"No, really, I do." And, looking at her, I get the sense she really does. How can things be so broken between us, and yet so right?

"It's okay Maya. I think I need you more than you need me. I'm just a hindrance with the Master thing, and in terms of relationship, I just.. can't help or support you the way I should." This is the cue when I should do the unselfish thing and tell her it's okay for her to move on if she wants to, to find someone who will really dedicate himself and stay with her. But I can't force myself to do it.

"Oh, Nick! Don't you know the only reason I could _ever_ even begin to think I could stand to handle the Master position is because of you?"

She pulls me back to her, and I have no desire to resist.

"And I need you too."

Her lips are again impacting mine.

"I need you."

I'm already kissing her back.

"Come… closer…"

And before the night is over we both relinquish any measure of conscious inhibition or control on our desire to be together.

We're not of any practical use any more in solving the injustices which keep us forced apart.

We can never fix each others' problems any more and we know we can't try, it will only make them worse.

We can only hold each other and feel each other there and hope this will somehow make it better. And somehow, it does.

Again the world's collapsed around us, and this time we _can't_ fix it, but as always, the one thing we can still believe in is each other.


	7. Chapter 7

_Well, that was a nice fade to black… but things aren't really *quite* that neatly poetically perfect in their relationship right now. So we need some more detail for dramatic purposes. (Haven't heard from Maya for a number of years...)_

_So apparently this is how things went down. (These two are so dumb.) Uh, I'm not so sure about this one, but spot the cheesy 2-4 parallels *shifty eyes* It's maybe 5.5 years since the beginning._

* * *

**MAYA:**

It was so different this time. Neither of us planned it, really.

It wasn't even about lust, exactly. All I want right now is to be close to him. I _can't_ allow myself to miss him when we're apart, but…

Somehow the kissing isn't as fulfilling anymore, doesn't compensate, is making it worse.

And although we've wrapped around each others' bodies, well, we do this all the time.

We're that eager right now though, and our bodies eventually collide in a way they don't usually. _Oops._ Usually if something like that happens, we just ignore it and continue with something less questionable, but today we don't. It's not usually that.. intense.

Every touch is magnified, reverberates a cascade of sensation.

Back for more. It happens almost before I think. Nick apparently has the same idea. Our eyes have darted together too, and seal in a quick flit of understanding. After that kind of affirmation from him, somehow I can't tear myself away. Not only do I seem to have his tacit encouragement, but my overriding desire is to get closer, not distance us again.

And again, and..

I know I should back off, but it feels that annoyingly good that my body seems sluggish to obey.

And if Nick wants to back off, he's making no sign of trying to do so.

Nick's giving these little gasps of what I *_hope_* are appreciation. Whatever they are, he seems just as eager to continue this as I am becoming. I can feel he's getting into this too, and we're getting a lot more enthusiastic. Our cautious and questioning eye contact has long wilted into conspiratorial grins.

But we're so confused over the denialistic mindset of the 'cousins' act and … whatever we really are to each other.. that we don't even consider the possibility of taking off any of our clothes until things reach ridiculous proportions. Instead we just continue with greater fervour.

It's a little pathetic, how all we can do is cling to each other and murmur each others' names.

Nick suddenly catches my eye, and we share a wry grin through our crushed bodies. This _is_ ridiculous.

But it's a wake-up call to my frenzied brain. I didn't initially plan or predict things would go this way again, but…

Suddenly my existing desire to be close to him melds with my physical agitation, and this revelation's pretty much all I can think of.

I'm not certain what Nick is thinking though, (or if he's still thinking much at all, considering the vague haze that's enveloped a lot of my superfluous thoughts) so I just continue the way we already are.

"Maya?" Nick murmurs weakly.

"Nick."

"Maya, if we keep going, I'm not sure I'll be able to help myself from-"

"It's okay. It's what I want. Unless.. you don't want to?"

I'm sure he remembers last time. I know I do.

"No. I… want to."

I know things are still premature, but I'm soon pulling him closer and urging him on. It hurts a lot (I know if Nick knew better, he'd have wanted to make this sweet and gentle) but the pain is really what I want, just evidence he's _there_. Because it hurts far worse to be apart and alone.

…Well, that was the plan, but soon I find it isn't hurting any more at all. Apparently Nick has still managed to make this sweet and gentle. I guess he still hasn't really grown up into a big, ferocious tiger. Not with me, anyway.

I don't think it lasts very long, but it's hard to tell really. I find myself shudder in a way which almost seems unnatural which I don't remember happening last time. It's far weirder than my spirit leaving my body.

We just kind of lie there together for a silent moment, perhaps a little stunned.

Suddenly it's all too much. My crazy levels of feelings come out in tears.

Nick's kind of zoned out, apparently exhausted, but he's still holding me in his arms. So gentle. So caring. "Maya? What is it? D.. did I hurt you?"

"No. Not at all." _I love you_. "I'm just.. overwhelmed I guess."

I still believe Nick will come through for me.


	8. Chapter 8

**PHOENIX:**

I don't know how we part.

I remind myself of that recurring nightmare where I hear Maya's been kidnapped again - at the request of Kristoph, who personally rapes and tortures her to death, ignoring all my pleas to die in her place. I remind myself of the evil look the Chief Elder gives me every time I come. I remind myself of the 'forged channelling' fiasco, and how Maya's associations are still decisively in the public eye.

But if Maya begs me to stay, I simply won't be able to leave.

She takes a deep breath.

"You explained last night. I know you have to go."

I'm not sure I deserve this. Actually, I don't.

But she still trusts me.

And the way she says it, I know Maya was anticipating and prepared for the goodbye even before she ever kissed me back. She holds me close, just for a moment, then lets go.

I can tell our public goodbye at the train station will again maintain the facade of distant cousins.

This is insane. Why are things so broken? I begin to feel I'll do practically anything to get the 'closure', escape that entrapment to my obsessions. Well, short of murder and similar atrocities, of course.

* * *

######

'Cousins kiss'. It becomes a shared in-joke between us, and we add it to our repertoire of activities - but only ever behind closed doors.

My time with Maya is antidote to my insidious acts. She helps me to remember who I really am and what parts are only lies. What am I fighting for now? I don't even know. I lose sight of it myself. But with the combination of Trucy and Maya I just keep on going.. somehow.

It's not as often as I'd like – it's hard to get days away from those awful 'piano' jobs, and there's no way we can risk these types of bedtimes in my insecure apartment, so surveillable to Kristoph and other nosy parties. And Trucy has too many secrets to keep already.

Things don't go further than kissing again. Perhaps they would if Maya asked, but she doesn't, and really, I don't want them to.

Somehow, it seems wrong to use her body for that, when we have so little time together. I'm sure we'd both enjoy such secret trysts, but the closeness we share has always been about so much more than just that, and I don't want to lose sight of it.

And some part of me doesn't want that beautiful little body defiled by the dirty old hobo's, even if it is my own.

And I fear I won't be able to control myself. I'll lure her to the city, putting her in danger, both from Kristoph and me ruining the Master thing for her. Or I'll feel compelled to stay in Kurain and ruin things here for her.

But most of all, it's because I get the sense that what Maya _really_ wants is precisely what I can't give her – the commitment of someone who stays with her, instead of disappearing and leaving her like everyone else did. Someone to stay and support her every day of her life, instead of just selfishly using her for his own comfort. And I want this too. She deserves nothing else. Part of me assumed (feared) she might move on, find someone, but she makes no sign of attempting to do so. Maybe I should just tell her point blank that it's okay, she should find someone. But I can't. I'm too selfish.

I've been thinking about this more carefully since I've been trying to help Trucy, and I realise everyone did just leave Maya – and she just accepts it as normality, rather than resenting it. Her father dies, her mother leaves, even Mia leaves for the city, her aunt 'leaves' by betraying her. Perhaps this is part of the reason she grew so attached to me. I came back for her.

Worst of all, when I asked about it, Maya wasn't even resentful of her abandoning relatives, sans Morgan. She'd just accepted they thought they needed to do something which took them apart from her.

I'm sure I'm in that category. I wonder if she just assumes one day, like Mia, I just won't come back.


	9. Chapter 9

_#####_

**_30 Nov 2026_**

I can barely begin to detail the questionable decisions and acts I've taken this year in the heights of my obsession. But I've just decided the best thing I can do for everyone now is just move on. Because now I CAN move on.

* * *

#####

**_01 Jan 2027_**

I get down on my knees and take her hand.

"Maya," I begin nervously, "can we be partners again? I won't ever leave you this time. Not unless you want me to. 'Til death do us part." (I'm babbling now.) "No, actually if that happens, you can channel me. We can write letters. I don't know how channelling works, but I'm sure I'll come whenever you call…"

Maya seems to find the concept of channelling me hilarious. "W-what would I look like?" she gasps with mirth.

"I'm sure I can take a photo."

Her eyes become serious, then fill with tears. "Nick…"

I'd spoken to Pearl about Fey Clan protocols. As I'd suspected, it was the females who were supposed to make the engagement proposals – particularly in the case of someone as high ranking as the Master. Pearl implored it didn't matter and excitedly demanded I just whisk Maya away for a fairytale wedding, but I'm not sure either of us want that. Particularly since I was such a jerk making her wait all these years. I'm not going to pressure her into anything, she can propose only if or when she wants to.

But I did obtain something to sweeten the deal.

"I have a gift."

Pearl let me in on this tip. It's apparently semi-traditional to give the prospective love interest an amethyst or some other stone- the one in Misty's staff was supposedly a gift from Maya's father. It took me days to find it and dig it up, and even longer to get the money to get it cut and polished, but my finances are better since I recently managed to kick the grape juice habit. It must really be a tradition, since Sister Bikini actually didn't think I was insane when I explained what I was there to do.

Maya's eyes light up.

"Nick! You remembered!"

She admires the shiny surface adoringly, then reverently sets it down, turning her attention back to me. She takes my hand in hers.

"Partners," she breathes.

Then she flings her arms around me, and we reel backwards into an embrace and entanglement of limbs, lips and skin, pressed as tight as we can muster, and I feel like I'll never want to let her go.

**END**

2-4:

_Maya: Oh, Nick! I knew you would come through!_

_Maya: You got Engarde convicted, like I knew you would..._

_Maya: And on top of that, you even rescued me!_

_Phoenix__: Well, of course I did! You know I would never desert you!_


End file.
